Curl Talk Q & A: Breaking Up Over My Hair?

by Ebony Clark-Bomani

Q: I've been with my boyfriend for a little over three years, and I thought he was "the one." We met our senior year in college and we've been inseparable ever since. He told me he'd always support me through any stage of life---no matter how big or small. The thing is, I've been transitioning to my natural hair for several months and I'm due to big chop soon. Ever since I mentioned to my boyfriend that I'm getting rid of the chemicals, he's been everything but supportive. He makes snide remarks about me looking like a slave or just flat out calls me "Kizzie." I seem to have fallen from grace in his eyes because he doesn't treat me like royalty anymore. It's like I've tainted this perception he had of me and I feel more like his roommate than his mate. Overall he's still a good guy, but I feel that if I break up with him, we'd be breaking up over my hair! What would you do? -CM-

A: Honestly, I'm not sure what I would do because I've never been in that situation. However, I can tell you that if you do break up with him, it would not be over your hair. It would be more about him not loving, accepting, and respecting you unconditionally. Your hair is an extension of you, and if he doesn't provide unwavering support (as he stated he would) in your decision to wear it natural, he just may not be the best man for you. Wearing your hair in its natural state is about more than ridding yourself of the harmful chemicals, it's also about claiming and embracing a more organic version of yourself. That, in itself, is liberating. It's never anyone's place to tell you leave your relationship, but I will say, you deserve a life partner who is just as excited about you, in the raw, as you are! I pray that God will give you the discernment and courage you need to make the right decision. One Love.

Ebony Clark-Bomani


Ebony Clark-Bomani4 Comments